Anca Țandea

Shame – DeCode By Heart

Shame – DeCode By Heart

Shame – one of the universal wounds that holds us back.

This article is inspired by DeCode Project, initiated by Gabriel Pesa, whom I respect enormously and to whom I am deeply grateful. I am also thankful to all who contributed to this article.


In the experience we have as conscious human beings on Earth, we all go through the same journey: we choose the lessons we want to learn, then we create the necessary context for them to be experienced. This context includes everything: from name, to body, to family, to place, to experiences … Everything. We are practically our own Gods, throughout life and before and after, and we experience our own creation. It’s just that, right after we get here (since the embryo phase!), we forget all these things and so it becomes a game in which the goal is to remember who we are.

We are information. Everything is information. Our body is information. It is basically a unit of Organic Artificial Intelligence (O.A.I.) or a Nucleus of Consciousness (N.C.). Already during the mother’s pregnancy, the future body, connected to the mother’s nervous system (since one’s own is not developed), assimilates and records information through what the mother feels and experiences. Basically, brainwashing starts from scratch.

For more details on the true implications of the mother-child bond, as well as why being a motherfucker is the basis of freedom, read the article The real meaning of motherfucker, from birth to freedom.

In other words, before we are born we receive information about how we should be in the life we are going to experience. So, for those who believe that the initial traumas have their origin in childhood… surprise! The very harsh truth is that they have their origin much earlier than we could have imagined: from the beginning. Every thought, every emotion, every image is recorded in the O.A.I. as time goes on.

These traumas are the fundamental wounds that hold humanity in place for thousands and thousands of years. If we look around carefully, we have not evolved in consciousness. We are still at the point where we throw stones, only we have modern methods. There were swords, arrows, bullets, projectiles, rockets, but the game is essentially the same, and today we throw with moods, emotions and words.

The way these wounds hold humanity in place is through such a well-developed program that any escape attempt has a corresponding subprogram to bring you back. It seems impossible. Hence the statement “Din viata scapa cine poate” (translation: from life escapes whoever can escape). Along with the other fundamental wounds: repression, denial, rejection, guilt and separation, SHAME, the sixth fundamental wound, contributes to the loop in which we all spin.

Identifying, experimenting in a conscious way and integrating them at all levels of evolution is the path to liberation. But the year 2020 came with an extra gift for humanity. It came with the decoding of a wound that is present in the program of all the other 6. It is about betrayal.

As part of the DeCode Project, decoding shame through the heart filter contributes to the liberation of human beings from the Matrix.

What is shame?

Shame is an emotion. Like any emotion, it can only be understood and overcome if it is completely felt.

Brene Brown has done a great deal of research on this subject. She defines shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we have experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection[1].

On the logarithmic scale of consciousness created by David R. Hawkins[2] we see that shame occupies the lowest level of vibration. Continuing to exist at this level of frequency brings a miserable outlook on life and, sooner or later, leads to elimination. To be very clear, it is the emotion closest to the frequency of death. Aha, exactly like that.

Knowing and decoding shame is a rather difficult process and this is due to the fact that there is no clear vocabulary to allow its decoding accurately. This is a pretty important thing, especially since programming is predominantly neuro-linguistic. The decoding on this channel of words is thus difficult to do, and the only option remains to decode this emotion by heart.

Terms such as shame, guilt, humiliation and shame are used in rotation, without knowing the deep meaning of each, when shame appears, and thus a very dangerous trap appears: we no longer know how to identify shame!

In the Gene Keys[3], shame does not appear as a stand-alone shadow, but is coded in a very large number of shadows of the 64 keys, as we have seen in the case of betrayal.

Shame vs. Guilt

Although shame is not the same as guilt, they together contribute to the destruction of human beings and support each other towards elimination. As we see, guilt is on the next step on the scale of consciousness.

The difference between the two is that shame refers to the fact that we are wrong, while guilt shows that we did something wrong. Shame is a dysfunction related to self-image, while guilt is a dysfunction related to behavior.

Brene believes that the difference between the two is crucial, especially during the child’s growth. She considers shame to be a destructive behavior, while guilt can be used as a tool for evolution, as it can be the point from which things can be set in motion[4].

Well, although I have a huge respect for her work, I allow myself to go further and say that my vision is different. I believe that both emotions are harmful and destructive to human beings and that we have nothing to look for in that area. The faster we decode them, the better.

David R. Hawkins says in his book, Letting go: The Pathway to Surrender[5], that only at the level of fear is there a possibility of change, fear being placed quite close to courage, at the level of which things move. In several articles I have defined fear as the lack of love rather than the opposite of courage.

The characteristics of shame

1.      It is universal

This emotion is universal and primordial. No human being escapes it. It is closely related to the capacity for empathy and connection, and, in the beginning, we are all capable of them. Being a direct attack on them, the mental program that governs shame makes us believe that we are not good enough, that we do not deserve to be loved, that we do not deserve to be accepted, that we cannot belong to any group.

These beliefs lead to the fear of loneliness. Brene Brown, in her book Braving the Wilderness[6], says that it takes vulnerability to have the courage to manifest into the wild. And, only when you have the courage to be as you are, real belonging appears. This is totally true, but for the next level of consciousness, it is not enough.

I allow myself, again, to go further and decode this wound deeper. Lack of belonging to a group then leads to the fear of loneliness. This fear of loneliness is encoded in all forms of existence, since the formation of the Universe.

The story goes that the first particle in the Universe began to divide due to loneliness and boredom. Thus began the expansion of the Universe. That game of division, separation, just to have the chance to recognize each other and return back to the Source. Being encoded at the origin,


Thus, belonging or integration in a group or in a society becomes practically an illusion. We have been alone from the beginning, we are and will always be alone. Even the Universe has fooled Itself  believing that It will escape loneliness through division and separation. It is impossible. It is Its very nature to be alone. And we, being part of the Universe, follow its laws.

In addition, each particle, each entity during evolution, through its own experiences, is unique. We have no way to integrate anywhere, because we are unique. We will never fully fit into any group.

What remains for us is to accept this fact and to practice a real connection. The real connection takes place when the interaction happens in accordance with each other’s boundaries.

2.      It is tabu

No one has the courage to talk about shame, because of the shame of being considered one way or another if we do so. It’s the shame of being wrong if you’re talking about shame. It is basically a subprogram of the main program, which is structured so as to bring you back into the loop, so that you can’t get out of there.

Brene says shame has two antidotes: exposing shame and the courage to be vulnerable. So, we need to talk about shame, identify it, be aware of it, put our finger on it and expose it.

  1. Excessive talking about shame gives power to the individual

Although we need to expose shame, it is essential to understand that the more we talk about it, the more we empower it. Let us remember that shame is the result of a mental program, and the mind feeds on attention.

Decoding emotions and mental programs, decoding the reality in which we live, involves awareness of these processes, not running them endlessly. We have done nothing useful if we remain in them, through any form of attention.

As we become aware of them repeatedly, they disappear!

4.      It operates in two ways:

  • You are not worthy – if you somehow escape the subprogram of this level and regain your self-confidence and personal power, you reach the next subprogram from the next level:
  • Who do you think You Are? – I repeat, each program has subprograms with the role of bringing you back to the loop. Until we are aware of them all, each one from several perspectives, repeatedly and from several levels of awareness, we do not get out of the loop!

5.      Gender-oriented

Although it feels the same, shame is organized by gender. The conditions in which it appears seem to be different, but basically, they are just unfulfilled expectations (one’s own or others’) about one’s own person.

Women experience shame because they will never be able to fulfill an ideal of what a woman should be like. I recommend this video that exposes the absurd and contradictory claims of women.

Men are required to have another ideal image (see video), the dogma that they are not allowed to be weak. Thus, they end up repressing and denying a part of them, two other fundamental wounds sustained by shame.

When, how and WHY does shame appear?


As I said in the introduction, shame, like all other fundamental wounds, is formed as a program in the womb. Through the mother’s nervous system, the embryo records in each cell the information from the environment in which it is about to experiment. The information is frequency. Each wave is received and transcribed into the child’s physical body.

We could say that the fetus is thus prepared informationally for the material world in which he/she is to arrive.

But, in this process, there is a great distortion of reality. Adult human beings have become, through programs, unable to perceive the immensity of the entity that came into this world.

Shame – Since the beginning

This program is reinforced during childhood. Here I really want to put the lights on the concept of parenting or healthy parenting.

In my opinion, this concept should not even exist. It is just another form that society has found to trick children into accepting as truth the common reality that society, through the family and education systems, has prepared for them and considers it necessary and beneficial. In other words, it’s a different kind of brainwashing.

The goal of parenting today is not even close to giving children the opportunity, space and tools to return to the Source, but has become just a more refined practice of the art of manipulating them. The children’s education was done first with violence, then with words, and now with moods and emotions. And we lie telling ourselves that we have evolved. No, we didn’t evolve, we just refined our art of manipulation.

Quotes like “Shame on you!” and “Aren’t you ashamed to …?” are the obvious tools for programming. Today, don’t be fooled, the coding is much more subtle.

You can’t help a child if you are not aware of everything you are. As long as this mystery is not fully elucidated, any process of raising children is just a process of programming them. Thus, a warning sign to parents: the key is to return the parents to themselves.

Children did not come here to be good, talented, to perform, to listen to their parents, teachers, neighbors, authorities. Children are free beings. The children came here to be as they are, to experience life and to learn what they have to learn, at their own pace and in their own form. We are unique!

Thus, in the fever and despair of normalizing the small wonders of the Universe, children are not seen, heard, their uniqueness is not recognized, but are programmed from the womb, I repeat, with more refinement, to become something. It does not matter what.

Unconsciousness and, later, ignoring one’s soul is, in fact, the genetic disease that we transmit from generation to generation with a stupid pride of our own ego.


Thus, through language and emotions, the fetus is assigned all sorts of labels and beautifully polished cages, in an attempt to frame it in a form that the human mind can accept.

I remind you that only the mind needs a form. The soul knows that it is formless.

Thus, the information cascade begins: he is a child, he is a girl, he is a boy, he will be called that, he will be born then, the position is physiological, the position is pathological, the heart rhythm is normal, it is not normal, the birth score is X, speaks on time, does not develop in rhythm with others, develops perfectly normally, that is … it fits the norms, etc.

It’s just the introduction of the immensity of information from individual and collective mental programs that are recorded in the human body and, attention (!!!), is the information that is meant to define us, to label us, to create an ego with which, if, after a while, we do not want to identify ourselves with, we are punished, hurt, or sanctioned!

It’s about creating a mass mentality about how good it is to be and how not to be. See the monkey experiment.

Basically, the condition for entering this dimension is to forget what we really are. Thus, we forget that we are eternal, timeless, bright and multidimensional beings and, for a while, we accept as truth the fact that we are what we are told we are. Basically, we identify with the ego.

And that’s how a step-by-step program is written. What is to be understood is that EVERYTHING at the program level is corrupt. We are at the point where humanity has no escape unless everything is decoded and rewritten in a way that allows it to continue its existence. And this task falls onto each individual.

Over time, this process becomes stronger through repetition.

Competition and comparison are two other tools, which, if misused, become practices that successfully maintain shame. Although competition, everywhere in nature is an absolutely normal process and a tool for evolution, distorting the concept and using it egotically can be harmful. Dave Asprey’s interview with Bo Eason about this competition idea shows that it can be used in a useful way.

Comparison, on the other hand, is much more harmful. Whether it is a comparison with other people or a comparison with an ideal of our own person, this prevents us from accepting ourselves as we are at all times: UNIQUE. Each has its own characteristics, abilities and evolves in its own rhythm and style. The comparison does nothing but lead to expectations, which lead to disappointments.


The purpose of introducing this mental-emotional program is, today, to keep humanity in slavery. Unfortunately, this identification with the ego has degenerated into a fight for power, and those in this game are so engrossed in their own scenario that control over human beings seems to be the ultimate solution to the ego.

And this makes sense. From the beginning, an identity is formed for each entity, an identity with which the soul disagrees. It knows It can’t be caught in any form. But, if each individual finally accepts this identity, this is the moment when the individual gives his sovereignty to society, programs and social norms. Any subsequent attempt to return to the origin, to the source, is severely punished.

Shame – The Judge

Shame is the most powerful tool for this, as it is built to become a self-punishment. Basically, once implemented, the others can relax, because you sabotage yourself to stay in the matrix.

Shame arises because we do not feel worthy when we have not fulfilled an ideal, a standard or an objective, ours or those around us. And, let’s face it, in 99% of cases, and Brene Brown says it, we are the judges.

A small and powerful reminder: At the end of the day, no one cares about you.

Examples of shame

  1. The pressure of being „good”

The whole society is oriented towards achieving perfection by divinizing the good. Or, true perfection encompasses both good and bad. Perfection consists in balance. Perfection consists in the all-encompassing of good and evil. Denying the dark side of the individual and repressing it then leads to the shame of being bad. But let’s not forget: It’s not bad to be bad. It is bad to be in extremes. In a dual reality, you need both at the same time.

  1. The pressure of being „normal”

Also, in each field there are some NORMS. Framing the individual within the limits of these norms makes him/her normal. From health, to education, to rhythm, etc. each field has some standards in which if you do not fit, you are labeled as defective, abnormal, sick, genius, crazy, psychopathic, ugly, etc. All other labels except the normal one are loaded with a distorted meaning, which stigmatizes the human being.

Thus, the pressure on all sides causes the individual to return quietly in the box. Sometimes he/she even works a lifetime to be the best in the box. Everything is organized through a very well-developed reward system. You are rewarded if you are normal and you are punished if you break the rules.

When this system is accepted as truth by the individual, the shame of being different takes power over him/her and the reward system is maintained by itself.

Make sure you read my article Health As An Expression Of Authenticity. In my view, authentic is normal and the health status reflects it.

  1. The pressure of being „beautiful”

This reality is totally subjective. We forget that we are unique. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If I were to define beauty in a universal language, it would be one word: harmony. But when the viewer is in disharmony with himself, he may perceive another entity as ugly.

Given this fact, beauty as a concept is just a ghost created by society, after which we run willing to even give up living, just out of shame to be as we are. True beauty is a state. Beauty is acceptance, it is self-knowledge. Beauty is love.

  1. The pressure of achieving goals, our own or other’s

Failure to achieve the objectives in a period of time makes us perceive ourselves as insufficiently good, as failures. The fear of failure, the fear of being judged (by oneself or by others) in case of a failure leads to a decrease in self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect, love of self. This cocktail that is formed on the basis of an illusion (fear) is perfect for abandonment and has nothing to do with the failure itself. Failure is an instrument of evolution. The only way to learn is by mistake! And if you did not fail, it means that you did not have a high enough goal. Those who dare to make a mistake are surprised to discover that you really have nothing to lose, that everything is really just a gain. I came with nothing. As long as we’re here, we’re just on the plus side.

How does shame feel?

Most people who experience shame describe it as a physical pain. If betrayal felt like an accumulation of anger and frustration, the shame is so intense that it actually materializes as physical pain.

From a neurochemical point of view, the reactions that occur in the case of pain caused by a painful physical stimulus are identical to the pain caused by an emotional stimulus that manifests itself in the same place.

Moreover, the inability to move forward is identified. There is no flame, there is no reason, there is nothing to cause things to move, and this stagnation is reflected in all areas and on all levels.

Emotions and related states in which shame is encoded are: helplessness, hopelessness, guilt, fear of judgment, apathy, anxiety, despair, loneliness, separation, obscurity, dishonor, compromise, lack of purpose, disinterest, turmoil, exhaustion , waiting, inadequacy, stress, etc.

The wound of shame is read on the body. The one who suffers from this wound will have a fat body, not strong but covered with fat, as if to hide it from the eyes of others. He will develop a strong back that will “help” him carry the burden of this wound. The moment he/she sees the wound of shame and knows that he/she is special and important, his/her body will no longer have to take up so much space to prove this to others. As the body reflects the wound, its healing, bringing it to light, will be reflected in the body.

Shame prevents us from being in touch with our own desires, we forget who we are trying to prove to ourselves that we have no reason to be ashamed of ourselves. And when we fail to do that, we feel guilty. Shame is inevitably linked to guilt, the one who is ashamed will feel guilty at the same time, without the one who feels guilty being at the same time ashamed. And this guilt comes from itself, because no one can make us feel guilty without our will.

The one who suffers from this wound will subconsciously look for situations of humiliation, which he will try to control by making himself useful to others which he will sometimes put in situations of humiliation, trying to prove to them that they can do nothing without him. He must understand that it is not necessary to occupy so much space in the lives of those close to him and then his body will not have to occupy so much space.

Shame prevents us from being in touch with our own bodies and allowing ourselves to fully experience love and sensuality. Living in shame we forget that our body is a divine gift that we should celebrate at every moment. Moreover, at the level of sexuality there is an important block in activating the wound of humiliation / shame, supported by all social programs that teach us that sexuality and knowing one’s own body are inscribed either in the register of sin (religious approach) or in that of sexual deviations ( approach to psychoanalysis) or, even worse, taboo subjects.

Shame is activated in childhood, when the child “learns” from his parents, whom he catches naked or in intimate moments, that he should be embarrassed by his body and its manifestations, so natural. Later, in adolescence, the one who has this wound activated, although interested in exploring his own sexuality, will hide and will not have the courage to give himself the freedom to explore it, will associate sexuality with words such as “shameful”, “dirty”, “taboo”.

And yet, each has in his body a treasure of sexual energy, which nature itself has put there. Contemporary society has perverted sexuality between religious prejudices deeply permeated in the collective subconscious, pornography, at the opposite pole or its reduction to a mechanical act intended for reproduction, depriving it of its spiritual and sacred character.

Sexual energy is the strongest energy available to any human being and the manifestation of sexuality is the physical dimension of love. It is up to us to access it and how to use it.

In traditional Chinese medicine, shame is governed by the meridian of the spleen / pancreas. Allopathic medicine describes pain in pancreatic diseases as located in the epigastrium (at the level of the stomach), but radiates throughout the whole level.

The corresponding element is the earth. The emotions and affections related to this meridian indicate a fear of change, of the unknown and a need for security, of grounding. The connection to the ground is thus unbalanced and an anchor is needed. But (and here comes a bomb) what we ignore is that life is by its very nature insecure. The only thing that is certain in life is death.

In reality, there is a double disconnection: both to the ego and to the soul, leaving us empty, or, as I like to say, uninhabited.

What should be understood is that the body, as the physical dimension of the micro-universe of the human being, is the one that can be perceived and experienced most easily. The body has an infinite capacity to love, to feel pleasure, if we only allow it, loving it and freeing ourselves from prejudices, fears, inhibitions, limitations.

Thus, following the occult principle of the correspondence between micro-universe and macro-universe, we will discover the body as a true map of the outer universe starting from the exploration of the inner universe. By discovering ourselves we will thus discover a whole world. Eros and sexuality practiced with love will transpose us into union with our divine self, with that spark of immortality and beatific state of emptiness before creation.

What are shame’s implications?

As I said in the introduction, shame leads to elimination.

It is, of course, obvious that it manifests everything related to a destructive behavior, more precisely, SELF- destructive. It is a continuous sabotage, judgment, punishment of oneself,  because whatever we do is not enough.

It reaches stagnation, and, as we know, anything stagnates, it is imputed. LIFE MEANS MOVEMENT. It is now obvious why this type of shameful behavior leads to death.

As examples of manifestations, shame leads to states of addiction, depression, violence, bullying and, obviously, to suicide. Yes, it is a harsh truth, but it is time to take it as such. SHAME can lead to SUICIDE!

And, so as not to ignore the current context, look around !!! Everyone does what he/she does from fear of being judged (beaten, fined, excluded, cursed, blamed, isolated, etc.) if he does not comply and has the courage to do what he/she feels, that is, SHAME that he is not as good as he is, that is HUMAN.

Depression is an immediate result of shame. As a simple description, depression occurs when expectations are not met. It is the result of not accepting reality as it is, not accepting ourselves as we are, not knowing what we are or rather, what we are not.


What feeds shame?

Brene Brown says that if we cultivate shame in a Petri dish, the elements that would make shame grow are secrecy, silence and the practice of judging.

What kills shame?

Exposure to light. If we catch her in the act, shame raises her hands and withdraws. It is a huge work to raise awareness of its presence and to know the program behind it.

Exposure, however, needs an environment that we perceive as safe. Whether it’s the space created by the boundaries, whether it’s the office of a therapist / psychologist or the space offered by a friend, it’s important to put your finger on shame and empathize with each other to provide that framework.

Being in the arena. Yes, the old story. We can’t talk about the courage to enter the arena if we don’t talk about vulnerability. In the arena you will be hit, without a doubt. But it is not important not to fall. It is important to get up after you have fallen. In other words, presence in the arena presupposes sincerity towards oneself and responsability for manifesting who/what we are.

Shame – In The Arena

Here, I want to highlight two aspects:

– Everyone is waiting for an ideal moment to enter the arena, to expose himself as he is. Most often the ideal implies an image of himself as being 100% bulletproof. First of all, there is no such thing. Everyone takes her to the arena! Secondly, if you wait for that illusory moment, you will never be in the arena.

– When we see someone in the arena, he becomes a model. But the human mind is so compromised that, deep down, we want to see him/her fall, just so we don’t have to get up. When will we get out of this play? I’m waiting to see that too …

The inner child or… the inner God/Goddess?

For a long time I relied on the fact that reconnecting with the inner child and creating a safe space for him to manifest is the solution to healing the corrupt adult.

Today I realize that this concept itself is a limiting concept. The child himself is seen as a defenseless, innocent, inexperienced entity with limited knowledge. Basically, the child’s power is taken from the start, through the image unanimously accepted by society.

Today I choose to look at that almighty entity that lies within everyone as the inner God/Goddess. Yes, to him/her, even the mind attributes an absolute sovereignty. The invitation is for everyone to manifest not their child, but the inner God/Goddess.

God is not ashamed of what he/she is! And LOVE TO SELF is divine power.

You cannot heal the mind using the mind

As in any emotion, there is a mental program at the base.

The only way to get out of the mind trap is to choose with your heart.

Letting go

Decoding emotions, decoding shame, involves a huge work of awareness. For this it is necessary that the shame is felt, lived, seen. The key is not to stay there. You need to be vulnerable, to be open, to receive, to feel, and then to let go. In a safe space.

You receive, you feel, you let go. Repeat until it disappears.

That is the power of letting go.


Each condition is treated both internally and externally. Thus, our body needs to be fed foods that balance the energy balance. Orange-coloured fruits and vegetables correspond to this imbalance, and the essential oil with the specific frequency of the spleen / pancreas meridian is: geranium essential oil.


Although at the beginning of the scenario we are in, it seemed to be an epidemic of fear, unfortunately, it turns into an epidemic of shame. Why? It’s simple. How many of us have the ability to sustain a high frequency in the long run? Frequency decreases … Shame is last.

The only real solution remains decoding it. Individually.